Poly In the Beginning

Poly

For many years this section has grown and grown about our experience in the area of poly relationships and really it is just getting too damn long, so I am going to break it up to make it all just a little more clear.

First Poly or How I met Master—

This section is about the poly relationship that brought Master and I together, along with those we first shared that road with.  It will cover that first few years together as a group.

1996--It almost feels silly to say... but the Internet changed my life.

A few years ago in an effort to do research for a college class, I began my journey on the information super highway. I made friends, hung out, and even did that research. Along the way, my husband and I became good friends with another couple living across the country. I won't use their names here because I don't want to invade their privacy.

We had dabbled through out the years of our marriage in alternative situations, mostly threesomes. These "experiments" were done in the days when you couldn't die from having sex. We never thought we would be participating in an expanded situation again.

The attraction to these people was so strong that we all ran up killer bills on AOL and the phone. We sent pictures and Christmas gifts. Hardly a day went by that we didn't talk to them in one form another.

Our search for a cheaper way to keep in touch led us to the Internet itself, instead of AOL. We found ourselves with thousands of other users, talking on Mirc. We made our home on a swingers channel, that sadly has died since then. Each day we went there, making more friends and planning our visit from the other couple.

The day finally did come when we were lucky enough to have that visit. For a week we got to spend time with these people who we had come to love so much. But at the end of that week they had to return to their lives, and we to ours. To this day, they are still extremely good friends. I speak to them every chance I get, and love them dearly still and forever.

It was that opening of possibilities that changed my life. While hanging out in that swingers channel we met another couple, who lived only a couple hours away from us. Soon we struck up a good friendship with them too.

With nothing more than friendship in mind... we invited them to come and have dinner with us. And with that meeting all our lives would change forever. In the very first moment the four met, there was incredible chemistry.

I could go on and on about all that things that happened to the four of us over the next months and years to get us where we are today... but the long and short of it is that the four of us began an entire new life together. Not as two couples anymore but as a group. Eventually we took our own vows to be husbands and wives together. 

After 3 years together… I think with time things have changed in a way none of us set out to do or set out to make happen. Instead of it being a really group marriage, we have all grown in different ways and those ways have made us again like two couples who just happen to share the same house and the same life and still the same bed.

Paul and Veronica have become a couple. They are very much husband and wife. They do everything together, and go every where together. They have even been accepted as a couple to her family although they don't talk about it out in the open. Truthfully there were things about the two of them that made Lee and I nuts, and maybe those same qualities are what made them work so well together.

Lee and I are the same way, and I am sure Paul and Veronica would tell you, they have issues with us about who we are too. But in the end, we are somehow happier with this trade so to speak. None of us feel this big urge to run out and make it legal. Nope no divorces and remarriages. We all just live in the same house, and share the family life with all of us.

Some parts of this lifestyle haven't been easy, at least not for me. My folks decided to confront it up front and thought if they gave me hell about it, and said they hated it and so on and so forth that I would walk away from it. It pretty much came down to saying I was scum of the earth. For me I had to either get into name calling with my mother or ignore it. I chose to ignore it, cause hell I told her when she confronted me in the first place, I know you won't like it but these are my choices, either you can accept it, and be a part of my life, or live in your anger and stay out of my life.

Ultimately the ones who have suffered have been my folks because they don't get to see their grandkids much now. They don't get to be a part of my life because they can't stand to be around it. Awhile back my mother and I tried to sort of call a truce as it were. It only worked in that now we send e-mail back and forth to each other with the news. But she requested that I not talk about any thing except what I am doing alone or what the kids are doing. She doesn't want to hear a word about Lee or Paul or Veronica. It is something I guess, but in the end really not very satisfying because hell, they are a really big part of my life.

Lee's folks and Paul's folks just tend to ignore it. Don't confront and then you don't have to get in an argument about it I guess. I am pretty much out to all the other folks in my life, and they have been totally supportive and loving, and for those that didn't get how I could do it, they didn't get it but they didn't care either, cause it was enough that I was happier than I had ever been.

My "second" husband became much more to me than another man sharing my bed. He also became my Master.

And so began the second of the major changes that would bring me more happiness, peace, freedom and love than I ever thought possible.

Before we began our intimate relationship, I told him of my desires in the area of BDSM. These desires had been with me always. I can't remember a time when I wasn't a submissive in my heart. Unfortunately, to that date, there had been no one in my life who could fulfill that role of "Master".

At first, although he was interested, I would say that my desires were a bit overwhelming. The overwhelming part wasn't just that they were there, but that it required so large a shift in established patterns of behavior. Not only in my Master and I, but also in my husband and his wife's view of us as well. At first our spouse's tended to not take if very seriously. They believed it was only a "fad" or perhaps a game. There were many conversations that took place trying to explain the importance of these changes to both Master and myself. But with time and patience our relationship has grown to a full time 24/7 Master/slave relationship that has made both of us extremely happy.

After 4 years together…Oh How a year and some can change a life. I have to laugh because I find myself saying again that I am in a place I never expected to be. Our Poly relationship has come to an end. As I said in the past, it wasn't the happy thing we would have hoped it would be. It had some good things to it, but by in large we always seemed to be in a state of tolerance instead of joy.

Paul got a shot at a job that would require him to move to Seattle. At first he just figured he shouldn't even go for it. But I pointed out to him that it might be a good time to look at the big picture. We had already faced long ago that we weren't going to stay together forever. Paul looked at me with sad eyes at this notion. I asked him flat out if he could really see it getting better than it is right now? Could he ever really see Veronica and I being friends? There was too much bad blood already, and with time there would just be more. I told him that he should think about taking this job, and splitting up the families. His first reaction was to say no... he didn't think Veronica would take to the idea of moving with him away from her family here in Arizona. I have to admit that I was a bit shocked at how easily Veronica took to the idea. I expected there to be some resentment or anger on her part, but there really wasn't.

So there it was after 4 years later we decided to split, swapping custody of lives as it were. Lee would stay with me and my children while Paul took Veronica and her children and moved to Seattle. Okay so that is the simple version of it... but that was the end result. And how has life been since then for all the adults and kids?

Life after the Split

Paul and Veronica are doing well... reported not only by them but by my visiting kids. I am happy for them. Paul and I were together for 18 year and married for 19, as our Divorce was final on our 19th anniversary.  There is a certain irony to that that I find very funny.  I hope for him now what I always hoped, that he would be happy. I hope he can find that now, and can grow too. I spent too many years allowing him to be dependant on me to pick up the pieces when life got hard, he has to do that himself now, and I think it will give him freedom to grow and be happier with himself. Veronica as far as I know is fine as well. We don't really talk, the tolerance we had to show each other in the same house has just moved into pretty much ignoring each other.

Lee and I are doing just great, and so are my kids. They of course miss their dad, but Lee has stepped up nicely in the role. They have a lot less tension now because we don't fight hardly at all, and there isn't the tension of the relationship between all 4 of us for them to deal with. There is also the ease of only be 3 kids again instead of 6. The quiet in our house now is almost amazing!!

Many of you have asked me along the way about the poly relationship and reality of it. The truth is, I think if is the right people, and then it can be a grand and wonderful deal, and a good thing for one and all involved. But the flip side of that is there are very few of the right people out there. How hard was it to find the Man or Woman of your dreams? How much harder could it be to find the couple of your dreams?

The parents in all this have dealt with it pretty well. Veronica's Mother already just took it that Paul was her son-in-law long before the move even came up. Lee had come clean about the relationship with his Mom a few months before the move issue came up. He flat out told her, Anna is the woman in my life, and if you want to know about my life you need to talk to her. Since that time she has done just that. I don't know that we will ever be the very best of friends but graciously and kindly. His Dad, who is never mister talkative has also been nothing but kind. In fact, we had a short visit with them on the way from a trip recently, and it went very nicely. They will be joining us for thanksgiving this year.

My mother finally read my web site from cover to cover she says. The most amazing about her reading it is that she actually gave Lee a compliment of sorts. It was about how he got me to do the artwork and all that good stuff. She then went on to tell me she didn't know "anna". I had to really sort of stop from laughing then, cause this is the most real me there is. She wants to believe it is a different person I think because it is easier than thinking I was always this way and she just couldn't see it. My Dad still isn't having anything to do with me. And hell what is there to do about that. I am still not going to be sorry about the path I took. I don't see it the same way he does... so what happens... I guess we go our own way, and let it be cause there doesn't seem to be any other choice.

Life is good though... and I am happy, and some day Master and I will even do the whole legal thing and get married. In the mean time we will live pretty damn happily.

And the now…as we move our way through 2009, both couples got their divorces and remarried now.  Our kids are almost all grown.  I sent my son to live with Paul through high school.  While he didn’t always have it easy with them as his full time parents, he also needed that time with his father.  This year Lee’s youngest son come to live with us full time.  He too needed time with his father.  Paul and Veronica are still leading the life that works for them.  Thankfully there hasn’t ever been issues between the 4 of us as parents and only wanting the best for all our kids.  Lee and I have been through all the hard stuff and the happy stuff and life goes on.  It was an odd way to get here but after this many years together it seems just the normal road.